A saturday with Lucille Ball

I’ve been munching on off-brand Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watching “I Love Lucy” all morning. Lucille Ball was beyond funny. That kind of humor was universal. Pure laughs for the sake of laughs, I wish we could have that now.

Parting Clouds

I’m here at work thinking how messed up of an individual I am. I have a new guy in my life and he is everything I want and nothing I thought I did. He makes me so happy and so comfortable and all I want to do is be near him. He makes me laugh and I make him laugh and loves to be around me just as much as I like to be around him… YET, I am gripped with the fear its all going to come crashing in on my head. I just can’t believe that I have the right to have someone like him (given my sorted past) and I almost believe that he is too good to be true. So, I’ve been here fighting back my inclination to find flaws in him. I know who and what he is and what he’s about and I am still here thinking what possible skeletons, or what fatal flaw he may have. I am such a mess of insecurity and ungratefulness right now.

I know part (if not most) of my anxiety can be attributed to me feeling like I am just not worthy of him. He treats me like a queen and I really don’t feel like one. He’s proud of me and I feel unworthy. But I adore him and I have not left cloud nine since we he’s been around. I just hope he continues to love me like he does right now.